Wedding gifts to send to Pakistan when you can't attend
What to send for a wedding in Pakistan when you're abroad: salami and cash gifts, practical gifts for the couple, and gifts for the family on the day.
When you can't make it to a wedding in Pakistan, the most common gift is still salami (a cash gift), usually handed over by a family member on your behalf. If you want to send something more personal as well, a gift for the couple's new home, a mithai box for the family on the day, or a keepsake with the couple's names will be appreciated, especially with a card in your own words.
Here's what to send, who to send it to, and when it should arrive.
The short version
- Salami, given through a family member, is never impersonal.
- Add something to keep: a gift for the couple's home, or their names in calligraphy.
- Something for the family: mithai or dry fruit for the guests.
- Timing: a day or two before the main events, or after the walima.
- A card from you, so the couple knows it's from you, not just from "the family".
Cash gifts (salami)
Cash is the traditional wedding gift in Pakistan, and nobody will find it impersonal. If you're abroad:
- Ask a family member to give it on your behalf, in an envelope with your name on it. Tell them which event (the nikah, the baraat or the walima) your family usually gives at.
- Send the money early. The days before a wedding are hectic, and nobody wants to chase a transfer.
- Send a card or a small gift with it, so the couple has something from you to keep after the cash is spent.
How much to give depends on how close you are, and on what your family usually gives. A parent or older sibling will know the "right" amount better than any guide.
Gifts for the couple's new home
Most couples in Pakistan start married life with plenty of advice and not enough furniture. Practical gifts are welcome, as long as they're not a duplicate.
- Crockery or a dinner set for when guests visit, which will be often in the first year.
- A good bedsheet set or cushions, especially hand-embroidered.
- Kitchen appliances such as a blender, an air fryer or a good set of pans, if you know what they still need. Ask a sibling, or the couple directly; it isn't rude.
- A tea set, because every new couple will be serving chai to relatives for months.
Avoid big furniture unless you've checked, as many couples move in with family first and have no space.
Gifts for the family on the day
The bride's and groom's families are hosting hundreds of guests. A gift that helps them is remembered.
- A mithai box for the family to share with guests.
- Dry fruit trays, which look generous and keep well.
- Flowers for the mehndi or the walima: a garland, or a flower arrangement for the stage.
- Something for the bride's mother, who usually does the most and gets the least attention.
Something lasting
- The couple's names in hand-painted calligraphy, framed for their new home.
- A keepsake box for cards and photos from the wedding.
- A framed print of a dua for the new home, such as Ayat ul Kursi.
Made-to-order keepsakes take a week or more, so order them as soon as the wedding date is set.
For the different events
A Pakistani wedding is several events, and each has its own customs.
| Event | What works |
|---|---|
| Mayun and mehndi | Flowers, mithai, something fun for the bride's friends |
| Nikah and baraat | Salami, given by family |
| Walima | Salami or a gift for the couple's home |
| After the wedding | Keepsakes and practical gifts, when the couple has time to open them |
Timing
Wedding weeks are busy and the house is full of guests, so:
- Deliver a day or two before the main event, or after the walima, when the family has time to open gifts.
- Ask for the gift to be delivered to a specific person, such as the couple or a parent, so it doesn't get lost among the guests' gifts.
- Put your name clearly on the card. After the wedding, the couple will go through dozens of gifts; make sure they know which one was yours.
If you can't attend
Missing a wedding of someone close can feel hard. A few things help:
- Call the couple on the day before or the morning after, not in the middle of an event.
- Ask someone to show you the event on a call, so you see the stage and the family.
- Send a free Shaadi Mubarak e-card to the couple on the day, so they have a message from you while the event is on.
What to write
Keep it warm and simple. "Shaadi mubarak! Wishing you both a lifetime of laughter, and patience for each other's habits" works for friends. "Allah aap dono ko hamesha khush aur aabad rakhay" works for everyone. Our gift card messages in English and Urdu have more.